since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
