chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
