If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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