Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
She needs sedatives and a leash
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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