is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
