i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Randomize
