I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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