Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
We named our party play list daddy issues
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
