Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
