Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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