there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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