My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
