so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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