Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
She's the barista slut.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
