Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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