I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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