Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
