I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
