Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
