omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
