I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
