I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
