Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
