No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
