i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
