I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
