He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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