singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
