My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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