Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
