I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
