Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
