if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I want to fling myself into the sun
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
