Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i will never coherently bang her
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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