I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
