you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
