butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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