I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
