I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
