No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
