Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
