I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
