nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
