Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
We're too hungover to prance.
Randomize
