Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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