Four minutes until I can fart!
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
