First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
