she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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