Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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