All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
