when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
