i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
