just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I wish life had little blips of pornography
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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