so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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