dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
